If You Say You Can’t, You Won’t: How To Improve Your Confidence

As a communications coach I am fortunate to be working with some highly skilled businesswomen and businessmen. Even though many of them are professionals at the top of their game, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are fully confident. In fact, I’ve noticed that most people, no matter their experience, struggle at times with issues connected to their confidence.

For example, I’ve had clients who feel awkward speaking up at meetings, or making presentations, or managing a team. This lack of confidence is sometimes about English being the person’s second language, but not always. The reality is, regardless of what language you speak, humans, as a species, tend to be less confident than you might think! Yet, it’s important to realize that confidence is a state of mind that can be developed.

I’m not talking about the old “fake it ‘til you make it” kind of confidence It’s not about pretending to be confident; it’s about developing your confidence as a skilled communicator. You first need  to start by assessing your own skill level. This requires thinking about your own thinking. We learn by reflection! So it’s crucial that you take time and reflect on how you currently communicate. Following are two key aspects of confidence to consider:

1. Your Inner Monologue

Think about what goes through your head when you aren’t feeling confident. Are you undermining yourself with “negative self-talk”? Are you focussed on how you think others perceive you? If so, shift your focus from thinking about yourself to listening to others, and asking questions. The more you focus on what others have to say, the more engaged you will become. The more engaged you are, the more confident you will feel.

2. Your Outer Words

 Analyze the way you use words. Words are powerful. Using them in a positive manner helps you communicate from a position of strength, rather than weakness. For example, instead of prefacing a progress report by apologizing that you aren’t farther along, start by talking about what you have accomplished, and what you can share.

Of course, you absolutely need to prepare and practice for any situation in which you may lack confidence. You also need to reflect, after the fact, to figure out what worked and what didn’t. That’s when the real learning occurs. Be sure to strategize how you might do things differently the next time. Accept that changing mental habits isn’t easy — it’s a process that takes time.

But just as I am not suggesting that you “fake it ‘til you make it,” I’m also not suggesting “practice makes perfect.” There is no perfect! There’s only cultivating a positive mindset. Focusing on the positives will get you a lot farther down the path of confidence than dwelling on the negatives. A positive mindset is the cornerstone of confident communication! 

Remember: if you say you can’t do something, you probably won’t. Try doing this instead. Start by saying, “I can, and I will make it happen.” I am quite confident that doing so will help!

Schedule a 30 minute complimentary phone or video meeting to meet Dr. Sandra Folk. She’ll be happy to talk to you about your business communications challenges.

So You’ve Been Promoted: How to Build Your English Language Confidence

You know your stuff. You’re intelligent and knowledgeable, which is why you’ve been promoted. But even though you’re a business professional, English is not your first language. Sometimes that holds you back. When you conduct meetings not everyone always understands you.

It’s not a question of the right words or correct expressions, and you’re comfortable with English grammar. But sometimes you start to worry that your words won’t come out right. There’s a little voice inside your head asking, “Will I sound foolish?” So, instead of speaking confidently, you lower your voice and speak in a monotone. You skim over the words so quickly that most people can barely hear you, let alone understand you.

Sounds familiar? Rest assured you’re not alone. We all have moments of anxiety when we’re trying to express ourselves, whether it’s in a meeting or during a presentation. But if you’re a non-native English speaker the challenges are even greater. So, first of all, give yourself a break! And secondly, take steps to boost your confidence, speak with more authority, and increase your presence as a leader.

Here are a few techniques I use with my clients, both native English speakers and not, since anyone can benefit from the following:

1. Practice…And Open Wide

Practice does not make “perfect.” But it will help you to improve. The more you practice speaking English each day, the less anxious you’ll feel about expressing yourself. Practice pronunciation and enunciation. Speaking clearly means you have to open your mouth wide!

2. Take Your Time…And Breathe

Don’t rush. Give yourself a chance to find the right words. Otherwise you may start speaking too quickly, which will make you even more nervous. If you’re nervous you’re more likely to mix up what you want to say, and how you want to say it. Breathe! Breathing helps us collect our thoughts. Plus, taking time shows thoughtfulness, which is a valued leadership quality.

3. Be Afraid…And Do It Anyway

Fear is natural and understandable. But you can’t let butterflies in your stomach get the better of you. Believe you can speak clearly and confidently and make yourself try to do exactly that. You’d be surprised at how much better you’ll feel if you try to create new, better habits instead of slipping into old, bad ones.

4. Get Help…Call A Coach

Bill McCartney, a famed American football coach, once said “All coaching is, is taking a player where he can’t take himself.” Mr. McCartney was right. You can’t always get where you want to go on your own. If you’d like to learn more about how a good coach can help you, have a look at Five Ways A Good Coach Can Improve Your Business Communication.

Schedule a 30 minute complimentary phone or video meeting to meet Dr. Sandra Folk. She’ll be happy to talk to you about your business communications challenges.

How Do You Handle Rejection in Business?

At some point in business you will be rejected, no matter who you are. Oprah Winfrey was told she was “unfit for TV.” Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team. Steve Jobs was fired from Apple! True, famous people are probably rejected less often than we mere mortals.  But rejection happens to everyone,  in both life and in business.

The question is: How do you handle rejection in business?

Recently, I tried getting information about a women’s executive group I saw advertised on social media.  The representative, who contacted me by phone, noted I was “a perfect fit.” Not sure for what though!  She immediately pressed me to sign up for a “lifetime membership.” When I asked  to have more information sent to me,  I was told I was “disqualified.” She then hung up the phone!

Of course I had to laugh. It was obviously a scam. Even so, it had a little sting. (It’s never nice to be hung up on.) It reminded me of more serious rejections in business I had in the past, and how I got over them. Here are three keys to help you deal with the sting of rejection in business:

1. Be Kind To Yourself

What would you tell a friend or colleague who was rejected? You’d say “yes, it’s disappointing, but not the end of the world.” You’d encourage them not to beat up on themselves. Do the same for yourself. Be kind to yourself.

2. Be Fair To Yourself

Most likely you’ve been accepted for your ideas and abilities in the past. (Probably more than you’ve been rejected.) Remind yourself of the successes and the positives. Not every situation works out the way you hope it will. It doesn’t mean you are a disaster.

3. Educate Yourself

Ask yourself what you learned from the situation that will help in the future. Did you make mistakes you could avoid making again? If you suffer a number of rejections and are given the same reason each time, take a step back and look at why. Use rejection to make you stronger.

True, rejection always feels personal. And when your ideas are rejected, it’s hard not to feel it’s you that’s been rejected. But try to view rejection in the workplace as just a setback.  Usually, that’s all it is in the long run.  

As for that executive women’s group I wanted to join! If I had to do it again, I’d probably research the organization a little more thoroughly before I contacted them. That way I would have realized they were on the shady side and “disqualified” myself before giving them the chance to “disqualify” me!

 Schedule a 30 Minute Complimentary Meeting to meet Sandra via phone or video. Find out if you both are a good fit to work together. Come to the call with your questions and what business communications challenges you’d like to get help with.

Don’t Be An English Language Bully

For better or for worse, English is the dominant international language of business. This tends to give native English speakers  an advantage when it comes to business communication. But it shouldn’t give anyone the right to be what I call an “English language bully.”

What’s an English language bully?

Someone whose use of English makes life more difficult for non-native English speakers. For instance, a manager who uses too many “inside baseball” expressions during meetings — like the expression inside baseball! Colloquial expressions and jargon may confuse someone whose primary language isn’t English. A manager who doesn’t take this into consideration is creating a barrier to communication.

Research shows that when a native English speaker enters a conversation with a group of non-native English speakers the level of understanding goes down. This isn’t only because of the use of unfamiliar words or phrases. It’s also because native English speakers tend to use complicated sentences rather than speaking in a way that’s accessible to everyone.

So, what can you, as a manager or decision maker whose primary language is English, do to make sure that you aren’t an English language bully? Ask yourself the following:

·  Is everyone in the room (or the Zoom) a native English speaker? Are you truly valuing all abilities, or are you falling into a trap of assuming that because someone speaks with an accent they are not as intelligent? Just as it’s important not to discriminate based on race or gender, it’s also important not to discriminate, on the basis of language.

·  Are you in the habit of using jargon or sports metaphors? Set the tone for all of your colleagues and employees by avoiding that kind of use of language. Aim for clarity of meaning. Don’t create a club of exclusivity through language differences.

I work with many business professionals whose primary language isn’t English.

Some of these  professionals have a non-English accent. Some have a less extensive English vocabulary than I do. But they also have tremendous knowledge and skills. The fact that they are bilingual means in some ways these professionals have even more to offer. In the competitive world of business, that’s something everyone — whatever your primary language is — would do well to keep in mind!

 Schedule a 30 Minute Complimentary Meeting to meet Sandra via phone or video. Find out if you both are a good fit to work together. Come to the call with your questions and what business communications challenges you’d like to get help with.