It All Starts With Curiosity: How To Ask The Right Questions

Anyone who spends time with children knows they love to ask questions. “Why is there a moon?” “How come ladybugs have spots?” “Can I eat ice cream every night?” Harvard-based child psychologist Paul Harris says a child asks something like 40,000 questions between the ages of two and five. Yikes, that’s a whole lot of questions!

But what kids are doing is what adults need to do too — they’re being curious. Children ask questions because they want to learn about the world. In business, in order to respond to the needs of your clients and colleagues, you need to be curious too. Asking questions is how you gain information and understanding. 

But a bad question won’t get you far. Poorly constructed questions are generally confusing. They lead to unproductive communication. As well, confusing or pointless questions reflect poorly on the asker. So, you need to know how to ask good questions. Here are some important  principles to keep in mind when asking questions:

1. Clarity

Questions should be easy to understand and use straightforward language. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes — what kind of question is likely to get a response? Your questions need to be relevant to the person.

2. Simplicity

Ask one question at a time. A “double-barrelled” question, where you ask two questions at the same time, likely means only one of them will be answered.

3. Purpose

Think through your questions in advance. You should have a mental road map, knowing where it is you hope your questions will lead.

4. Fearlessness

Don’t be afraid to ask challenging questions. Being direct is better than dancing around a question. Be diplomatic and considerate, but don’t let sensitive subject matter stop you from asking your question.

5. Openness

An open-ended question is the best starting point. In other words, avoid questions that can easily be answered “yes” or “no.” Yes or no answers are conversation stoppers! Part of what makes a good question is that it helps advance the conversation.

6. Specificity

As your conversation proceeds make your questions more specific in order to get more detailed information. Use words like “why” and “how” and “could you describe that” to go more in depth.

Remember, asking good questions means that you and the person you are speaking with will benefit. Sometimes, answering questions helps a person to think more carefully and clarify their own thoughts. Added bonus? Your good questions may lead to solving problems, creating empathy and encouraging a creative working relationship.

Finally, just in case you’re curious, here’s a little “Q&A.”

• “What does the moon do?” It controls daily tides, stabilizes our planet’s rotation, and is responsible for Earth’s climate.

• “How come ladybugs have spots?” To help them hide from predators.

• “Can I eat ice cream every night?” No.

Schedule a 30 minute complimentary phone or video meeting to meet Dr. Sandra Folk. She’ll be happy to talk to you about your business communications challenges.

You’re Not a Good Fit: What Does It Mean?

What exactly does it mean if someone tells you you’re not a good fit — that you can’t get through the office door? It’s one of those phrases that immediately says…nothing. I think people use expressions like “not a good fit,” or “we’re moving in a different direction” because they don’t want to tell you the truth. Or, because they’re lazy. They don’t want to take the time to be specific. Either way, vague jargon like “we’re not a good fit” isn’t clear communication.

Not long ago I was looking over a business proposal from someone hoping to work with me. I felt his quote was high, and that some aspects of the proposal were unclear. Naturally, given that communication is my business, I asked for clarification. But instead of expanding on the proposal or its cost, he simply sent me that deadly one-sentence response: “We’re not a good fit.”

We’re Not A Good Fit!

I admit it, I rolled my eyes. What did he mean? I could only speculate. Did he feel I was asking too many questions? Had he invested as much time in the proposal as he was willing to spend explaining it? Was it something I said? I’ll never know! All I know for sure is that it felt a bit like being fired before we even started working together.

Right Person Wrong Job

So, what might you do if someone tells you they don’t think you’re a good fit? It depends. If you want to know the truth: Ask. Explain to the person that it may be helpful to know the specifics regarding why you aren’t a “good fit.” It might be for a job, for a company, for a doorway — whatever the case may be. The answer might surprise you. It could be a case of “right person, wrong job.”

On the other hand, if you sense your talents and abilities are not being recognized, maybe you don’t want to work with those folks either. In that case, just smile and say, “Yes, I agree, we’re not a good fit.” But if you’re an employee who is literally being fired for “not being a good fit” for a company’s culture, that’s another matter. That’s when you need to consult local employment law.

Company Culture

Come to think of it, “company culture” is in itself a vague term. Does it mean everyone must share the same work ethic and company values? Is it about wanting to have drinks on Friday afternoon with your co-workers? Does it mean knowing to laugh at the boss’s jokes even if they aren’t funny? Or is it just code for some kind of discrimination.

Is It Passive Aggressive?

As the Urban Dictionary aptly defines it, “not a good fit” is a “passive aggressive understatement used when rejecting a job candidate, firing a worker, or breaking up with a spouse, girlfriend or boyfriend.” So, I suggest we consider retiring the expression  — unless we’re talking about a pair of pants that are too tight!

Schedule a 30 minute complimentary phone or video meeting to meet Dr. Sandra Folk. She’ll be happy to talk to you about your business communications challenges.