As a communications coach I am fortunate to be working with some highly skilled businesswomen and businessmen. Even though many of them are professionals at the top of their game, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are fully confident. In fact, I’ve noticed that most people, no matter their experience, struggle at times with issues connected to their confidence.
For example, I’ve had clients who feel awkward speaking up at meetings, or making presentations, or managing a team. This lack of confidence is sometimes about English being the person’s second language, but not always. The reality is, regardless of what language you speak, humans, as a species, tend to be less confident than you might think! Yet, it’s important to realize that confidence is a state of mind that can be developed.
I’m not talking about the old “fake it ‘til you make it” kind of confidence It’s not about pretending to be confident; it’s about developing your confidence as a skilled communicator. You first need to start by assessing your own skill level. This requires thinking about your own thinking. We learn by reflection! So it’s crucial that you take time and reflect on how you currently communicate. Following are two key aspects of confidence to consider:
1. Your Inner Monologue
Think about what goes through your head when you aren’t feeling confident. Are you undermining yourself with “negative self-talk”? Are you focussed on how you think others perceive you? If so, shift your focus from thinking about yourself to listening to others, and asking questions. The more you focus on what others have to say, the more engaged you will become. The more engaged you are, the more confident you will feel.
2. Your Outer Words
Analyze the way you use words. Words are powerful. Using them in a positive manner helps you communicate from a position of strength, rather than weakness. For example, instead of prefacing a progress report by apologizing that you aren’t farther along, start by talking about what you have accomplished, and what you can share.
Of course, you absolutely need to prepare and practice for any situation in which you may lack confidence. You also need to reflect, after the fact, to figure out what worked and what didn’t. That’s when the real learning occurs. Be sure to strategize how you might do things differently the next time. Accept that changing mental habits isn’t easy — it’s a process that takes time.
But just as I am not suggesting that you “fake it ‘til you make it,” I’m also not suggesting “practice makes perfect.” There is no perfect! There’s only cultivating a positive mindset. Focusing on the positives will get you a lot farther down the path of confidence than dwelling on the negatives. A positive mindset is the cornerstone of confident communication!
Remember: if you say you can’t do something, you probably won’t. Try doing this instead. Start by saying, “I can, and I will make it happen.” I am quite confident that doing so will help!
Schedule a 30 minute complimentary phone or video meeting to meet Dr. Sandra Folk. She’ll be happy to talk to you about your business communications challenges.